‘I don’t really fit in’
Mother, son take on the challenges of autism
Staff writer
Sheldon Wiens first knew he had autism at the age of 13.
“We were watching ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,’” Wiens, now 31, recalled.
The show’s host, Ty Pennington, was remodeling a large family home and remarked that five of the children had autism.
“And then my sister said, ‘like what you have!’” Wiens said.
While Sheldon was diagnosed with autism at 4 years old — his mother Jane had an inkling when he began repeating others’ sentences, rather than creating his own — he hadn’t fully grasped what it meant to be autistic until that moment.
He has gone on to live an accomplished life, graduating from Hillsboro High School and then North Central Kansas Technical College with a degree in heavy equipment operation.
He now works at the family farm.
Still, Wiens has faced immense challenges growing up with autism in Marion County. He often was bullied at school and in church, he said.
“I don’t really fit in with normal people,” he said. “Sometimes I wish I was normal. That way people could understand me better.”
He and Jane, a social worker and mental health counselor in Hillsboro, are working to raise awareness about autism in Marion County.
Jane began recognizing the prevalence of autism in 2017 when she opened her clinical practice, PathLight Alliance Counseling, and began speaking to clients and parents of children who were autistic.
“They’re an isolated group here in Marion County,” she said. “It’s not like we have an organization here socializing and doing programming with persons with autism.”
The nearest support groups are in Newton.
Grace Community Church there offers a support group to parents of children with autism. Another group, led by Tabor College employee Dawson Waltner, is a Bible study for adults with autism.
Raising a child with autism presents its own challenges.
“There’s a certain need that they have that we’re missing,” Jane said. “The sensory, the emotional, and the social piece of a child — all of that’s coming at them, which is very difficult for them to sort out.”
An autism diagnosis can help those with the disorder come to terms with their needs. It is no doubt better to figure things out sooner rather than later.
Jane gave an example of a woman who she suspects has autism but is undiagnosed.
“When we see someone who’s unable to handle everyday planning and problem-solving, has continual meltdowns, and is attacking someone else and blaming someone else for the way they feel, it’s devastating to the family,” she said.
She also recalled a man diagnosed only after graduating from high school. His lack of a diagnosis in school, she said, “made education and relationships extremely difficult.”
Despite Sheldon’s early diagnosis, he too struggled in school.
He alleged that it was teachers, not students, who did most of the bullying.
“Whenever I left the classroom and everyone else stayed around, they would talk trash about me to the whole class,” Wiens said. “When I returned, a lot of the kids would say, ‘Oh, teacher said you’re awkward.’”
The bullying was “because I was autistic and because I was different from everybody else,” Weins said. “And that feeling still haunts me today.”
In contrast, most of his classmates were friendly.
“They knew my experience with autism,” he said.
He recalled playing on the football team and running the 400-meter dash in high school after a few other boys invited him to try out.
Social groups such as sports teams are key to improving the lives of those with autism.
While Jane highlighted a need for autism support groups, she also said the county could do a better job of simply inviting those with autism to social events.
“They need to be a part of all our groups.” she said. “Whatever socialization we have in Hillsboro, we need to invite them.”
For 10 years, Sheldon has attended the Bible study group run by Waltner, whom he met at church in Hillsboro.
Nonetheless, his faith is strained by his condition.
“I’ve had a really difficult relationship with God,” he said. “I told you how my teachers treated me in school? That’s kind of how I see God treating me. My teachers not only bullied me, but they wanted me to fail.
“He is treating me like I’m a normal person without disabilities, telling me to do everything on my own, telling me to read the Bible all on my own, no help. And He’s spoiled. He’s so spoiled, like a medieval tyrant taking pleasure and smirking and sneering at people who end up in Hell.”
While mental issues such as depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder all commonly go along with autism, the syndrome is more than that, Weins said.
“The diagnosis is not to be taken lightly,” she said.
Autism specifically regards “the social and emotional interchange; this reciprocal kind of relationship that a child has with another person.”
Those with the disorder can become extremely anxious in social settings, which can in turn lead to breakdowns.
While it can be surprising to see someone acting in such a chaotic way, Weins’ advice is to withhold judgment. Simply offering to step aside with the person and help him or her take some deep breaths is a good way to help.
Sheldon has a mood disorder and takes both antidepressants and a mood stabilizer, which he said helps him communicate better.
“I have to keep on top of that,” Jane said. “I can usually tell if he’s not taking it. Extreme anger is what usually shows.”
While living at the Wiens family farm, Sheldon is studying for a written and on-road exam. He hopes to earn his commercial driver’s license and become a trucker.
He has perfect pitch, and in his free time likes to play piano.
“I love singing,” he said. “I did choir in high school. I’ve kind of gone downhill on piano, but sometimes I sit at the piano and play melodies.”
He is open about his autism, as he and Jane look to create a more welcoming environment for those with the condition in Marion County.
It’s one of the great ironies of life that autism can reduce cognitive empathy. In the end, the best thing to give someone with autism is just that.
“I like to talk to people about my condition, and that’s so people can understand me better,” Sheldon said.