Staff writer
Sportsmanship is emphasized as a good character trait in students involved in athletic activities.
But what about the parents? What is their role?
Richard Bechard, director of student activities at Blue Valley school district, Overland Park, recently spent a day in separate meetings with staff, students, and parents of athletes at Centre High School.
He gave a PowerPoint presentation titled, “Champions of Character.”
His athletic career began in the sixth grade. He graduated from high school in 1975 and has been continually involved in athletics during his adult life. He has three children who also are involved in athletics.
“I have a passion for athletics and what they can do for young people,” he said. “I love to win. I’m a competitive person.”
He went on to say that winning is not the primary role of athletics, but rather, to build lifetime character traits such as respect and responsibility.
“One of the best gifts a parent can give an athlete is to release them to the sport and coach,” Bechard said.
He noted that parents have a role to play in developing good character traits in their children.
He made the following key points.
Before the game
Before the first contest, parents should ask themselves:
- Do I want my child to play, and why?
- What to me is a successful season?
- What are my goals?
- What is my role?
Parents should ask the child:
- Why are you playing?
- What is success to you?
- What are your goals?
- What is your role?
During the game
- Learn to watch.
- Model appropriate behavior. (Nothing teaches like example.)
- Focus on the team and team’s goals, not just on the child.
- Play the role of spectator, not competitor, official, or coach. (Yelling instruction to the child may interfere with the coach’s instruction.)
- Respect officials because they are fellow human beings.
After the game
- Give the child time and space.
- Let the child come to you.
- Keep corrections and criticisms in check.
- Always address unacceptable behavior.
The most sincere response that can be sent and received is: “I love watching you play.”
Red flags
Things that parents need to watch out for are:
- Continuing to live a dream through the child.
- Taking credit for the child doing well.
- Trying to coach the child.
- Child avoiding parents after the game.
- Taking things too seriously.
- (It’s not a matter of life and death.)
- Trying to solve all the child’s athletic-related problems.
Talking to the coach
Concerns appropriate to discuss with the coach, but not in front of the child, are:
- Mental or physical treatment by the coach.
- Ways to help the child improve.
- Unacceptable behavior by the child.
Inappropriate concerns include:
- The child’s playing time.
- Team strategy.
- Other team members.
Bechard concluded by saying that athletic success is a dessert for kids who make wise choices in other areas of their life.
“Athletes need the support of parents and the entire community,” he said. “Don’t make kids feel their value as a person is tied to their playing time, performance, or winning or losing the game.”