Spoiling your grandchild can spoil your relationships

A joke among young children is that if you don’t get something you want, ask grandma instead.

How that plays out in a family relationship can sometimes be a point of contention, Kansas State University aging and adult development specialist Erin Martinez says.

“Becoming a grandparent or great-grandparent is a truly exciting event,” she said in a news release this week. “But there are some unique considerations that come along with becoming a grandparent, and being aware that our family relationships and dynamics are going to change is one of those.”

Martinez suggests that parents and grandparents set and understand boundaries and establish communication even before a baby is born.

“Communication is key to healthy relationships,” she said. “When a baby is on the way, we want to make sure to leave those lines of communication open so that we understand people’s boundaries and expectations.

“Doing so helps to assure that we are doing what is best for ourselves, our loved ones and the new grandchild.”

Grandparents, Martinez said, should resist the temptation to offer unsolicited advice on how to raise a baby.

“It can be challenging sometimes to keep our opinions to ourselves,” she said. “But as parents, this is a great time to let your own children go forward and let them thrive and flourish as parents themselves.

“If they’re seeking your advice, then absolutely you can provide it. There are times when you can say, ‘You know, when you were young, I found this worked really well,’ and that’s a gentle way to suggest trying something instead of saying, ‘Hey, why aren’t you doing this?”

Some of the areas in which parents and grandparents should communicate boundaries include appropriate times to visit, foods (including sweets) that the child can have and the parent’s wishes for things the child is exposed to (such as television or other screens).

Grandparents also can set some boundaries, explaining that they want to have a meaningful relationship with their grandchild but need to do so around their own hobbies, community activities, or part-time work.

More of Martinez’s advice is available on this week’s “Sound Living” podcast at https://soundlivingksu.libsyn.com/.