By BEN KLEINE

Staff writer

Donna Hanschu has lived through despair, but she uses her experiences to help others grieve.

Hanschu, a recently returned Marion County native, started counseling people dealing with the loss of a loved oneseven before bereavement was a concept. She was part of one of the first head start programs in Vallejo, Calif., where she did loss counseling in the late 1960s. She later moved to Colorado where she continued her work.

Her life changed after 1980 when her husband and two sons died. A surviving son died in 2006 and then Hanshu started traveling the United States and Europe, meeting with groups, and giving speeches. She uses her life experiences to help people talk about losses in their lives and start the healing process.

Hanschu counsels people who realize they are caught in unhealthy grieving patterns or have been told by friends and relatives that they need help.

“They’re aware of their behaviors enough to say, ‘what can I do to feel healthy and happy again?’” Hanschu said. “That’s an important first step.”

She said that all people deal with grief differently. Some people have violent outbursts. Some people withdraw within themselves and refuse to talk about their emotions. Some people isolate themselves and wonder whether life is worth living. Others want to talk about their grief.

Hanschu said her people might develop their grieving processes by adopting what their parents, or other important people from their childhood, did when they experienced losses. Most people grieve without recognizing that they have acquired the behavior.

Regardless of how people deal with grief, the first step for Hanschu is to listen to each story.

After listening, Hanschu slowly tries to build trust. The most effective way for her to build this trust and allow the other person to unleash his or her emotions is to relate pieces of her own story.

“If someone comes to me and they’re in deep, deep sorrow with a son or daughter dying, I’ve had a similar life experience,” Hanschu said. “If someone has the experience of a death of a son or daughter, there is a gigantic amount of, ‘you’ve been through that too?’ There is a certain level of comfort.”

By telling her story, Hanschu allows people to share their experiences. As people share, they start letting go of some of their pain.

Hanschu works to help people experience an epiphany. Some people eventually see a glimmer of hope, she said, usually activated when a person is involved with a physical task he or she enjoys. For Hanschu, that was experiencing the beauty of nature; she has seen some people get the glimmer of hope while playing golf, tennis, cooking, or gardening.

“I feel happier today. I feel a little healthier. I’m feeling that my faith is stronger,” Hanschu said. “I encourage them to recognize those glimmers of hope again, to find beauty in your own world.”

Hanschu said there are no quick fixes and that even after a glimmer of hope people often continue to battle despair.

“It’s a lifelong and life enhancing process,” she said.

Hanschu graduated from Marion High School in 1964. She recently returned to Marion after inheriting a family farm.

She is giving a speech at a lunch workshop at Marion City Library today. The cost of the lunch is $5.