A dog's life
My human has been regaling readers with stories about those two girls who live in our house.
This week I've decided to write my own column and let people know I've got a few stories of my own.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm the mistress of the house at 129 South Cedar. When I bark, the humans snap to attention. I have them well-trained.
I've lived with my humans for several years and it has taken me all this time to get them to behave as good humans should.
Granted, there are times when they don't do what they are supposed to. That's when I have to put my tail up and remind them who's boss.
My humans run on a carefully regimented schedule. I get them up at 6:30 every morning so I can check the perimeter of the yard before breakfast. Breakfast, by the way, is at precisely 6:35 a.m. daily. No exceptions.
If, for some reason, my humans think they are going to "sleep in" I let them know that isn't acceptable by jumping on the bed, running across their legs, and jumping off — several times. That usually gets them moving.
I spend most of my days lying in the sun waiting for the humans to come home. When they come in the door, they dutifully greet me with a pat on the head, rub my ears, and ask how my day was. If they forget, I promptly remind them by jumping up and down and yipping until they answer.
For some reason I don't quite understand, they keep a gate up between the kitchen and the dining room. As near as I can tell, it's so they won't sit on the sofa until all their chores are done for the evening.
Once the gate comes down I spend some time sitting on the back of the sofa guarding the front porch. When my humans finally come to sit on the sofa I have to sit on their laps to keep them there.
Since the weather has turned colder I get chilly and prefer to be covered. Now I'm trying to train them to cover me with a blanket while I'm on their laps. I've had to drag that darned blanket over with my teeth so many times I'm beginning to sneeze blanket-fuzz!
At least once during the evening it's necessary for me to go outdoors and check the weather. Sometimes, if the humans are watching TV, I have to scratch at the front door repeatedly until they pay attention.
Sometime during the evening I allow them to give me a biscuit. It's taken forever to train them to know what "biscuit" means and where they keep them. Honestly, I thought humans were supposed to be intelligent! But most evenings I have to give a couple of short barks and stand in front of the biscuit door before they understand.
I also have been working with the humans to establish a bed-time routine. I usually cat-nap (nasty term) until the news comes on, then one of them picks up that little box and the TV picture goes away. That's when I jump up and run to the kitchen.
They are supposed to let me out in the backyard for one quick look around the yard before bedtime. Then we head upstairs where I put them to bed and lie beside them, watching the clock until 6:30 rolls around again.
— Maggie Bernhardt
