Aging too rapidly, having lotsa pants
On a recent Sunday evening, I bought a book and a magazine at Barnes & Noble in Wichita, at Rock Road and Kellogg. I was short on cash, so I had to write a check. The young clerk/associate asked to see my driver's license. I complied, of course.
She wrote my Social Security number on the check, and my birth date — sort of, except she wrote 12-14-04. Man, no wonder I feel old sometimes! I'm pushin' 99.
She was off by almost 40 years, but I thought it was pretty funny, so I said nothing.
Once, when I was running The Jetmore Republican, the sole newspaper in Hodgeman County, about seven years ago, I ordered a couple of inexpensive suits from the JC Penney catalog, using an "800" number.
One had to ask for a color by number, so I told the operator, in Cincinnati, "79," which was the number for "cement," which I would call light green.
They called me back a few days later from Cincy and asked me, "Did you really want 79 pairs of these pants?"
Well, no
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
— Oscar Wilde, 1856-1900
Yes, and some of us are flat on our bellies, or at least have made a four-point landing on a hand, a rib, a knee, and an elbow. On July 28, I was on my way to a Marion City Commission meeting, walking.
There were some hornets swarming in the air near the historic Elgin building. I'm not scared of them like I was when I was very young, but they're still not my favorite bugs.
Apparently, according to a witness, I stepped off the sidewalk, in stride, and went down, splat! The first thing I worried about, as I tried to bounce back up, was my new glasses. They were all right, however.
Pat Patterson, from across the street (Third) was the eyewitness. He asked me if I was OK, saying, "that was quite a fall." I said I was OK, that I might have hurt my left knee a little. My "pride" took the biggest hit. Walk much, Buxton?
In March, while still living at Arkansas City, during a melodrama rehearsal I fell partway off the stage, backing up from the unwanted advances of the "homely" sister in the comedy. (I was the banker/villain Rich Coldheart, and wanted her younger, better-looking sister and, of course, the family's property).
Anyway, I hope I'm not becoming prone to falling. About 18 years ago, when I was working at Ponca City, Okla., I was walking back from the Wendy's that was only a couple of blocks from The Ponca City News, and stepped in a hole and fell, because I was not watching my step. Gotta watch it.
After all, the old Perry Como song was "Catch a Falling Star," not "Catch a Clumsy Newspaper Person."
— JERRY BUXTON
