Almost a grown-up
Life is rough for the youngest because (obviously) everyone is older than you.
"You can't go," they say. "You're too little."
I know the feeling well. It was very frustrating. Not only was I the youngest in my family, but I was the youngest in my class.
I always wanted to be older. I eagerly looked forward to every birthday. It was such an ingrained habit that I didn't mind turning 30, or even 37 (as I did Monday, thank you very much).
I have a beard. It has its share of salt-and-pepper, but you won't see me pulling out the Grecian Formula. I like the gray.
But I recently received evidence that I am now, officially, without a doubt, a grown up.
"Dear Friend," the letter started. "The enclosed AARP card has never been more valuable to you than it is today."
I was thrilled. No one would ever tell an AARP member that they were too little to ride a roller coaster, or too little to stay up late!
It's a handsome card, with red, blue, and black ink, signed by the executive director. I don't think we have any executive directors in all of Marion County.
But it's not my permanent card. I only have to keep it as a record of my enrollment until I receive my membership card and kit in six weeks.
I was so proud. After all, AARP offers many benefits, including authoritative publications, guides and seminars to improve my job hunting and career building skills, travel discounts, group health insurance, and others.
Then, disaster struck.
"You must be 50 or over," the return certificate declared.
I was devastated. But maybe there was hope.
"Some days I feel 50 or over," I said. "That should count for something."
Unfortunately my response card required me to give my date of birth. I didn't want to lie to the AARP. They have the clout to order the FBI to do a background check. You don't want to mess with them.
Yet again I'm too little to join the bigger kids. Don't they realize how bad this is for my self-esteem?
— MATT NEWHOUSE
