Counseling sessions provide therapy for caregiver
By ROWENA PLETT
Staff writer
Juanita Silhan never thought of herself as a caregiver, but for almost 25 years, she was there for her disabled husband.
As his health deteriorated, her nerves were affected and she became very tense. Whether at home or with people, she always sat with folded arms or tightly clasped hands.
Through counseling sessions at Prairie View in Marion, her pent-up feelings were released and she found relief.
Juanita's husband Robert died in spring shortly before his 76th birthday. He was injured on the job and became totally disabled at age 48.
Robert spent three months at Wesley Medical Center, where he was diagnosed with muscular sclerosis, but later was diagnosed with an even more serious disease which left him in constant pain.
He learned to tolerate the pain. Though he couldn't work, he produced crocheted and knitted items which he and Juanita sold at small arts and crafts shows.
Juanita said when he was younger, Robert was kind and gentle and had a sharp mind. He loved taking his three sons and several nephews on weekend camping trips.
The couple sold their house in Marion and moved to Carriage House Manor in Florence about six years ago.
Then, Robert's behavior began to change. His mind lost its sharpness. He had never raised his voice to Juanita but he began to experience sudden outbursts of anger.
Juanita's attempts at reasoning with him at such times only made him angrier, she said. Sometimes his episodes of loud talking and harsh language occurred in public.
"I was so embarrassed. I hated to go anywhere with him," Juanita said. "I became more or less afraid. I sat with hands clasped, not knowing when the next outburst would occur. I was a nervous wreck."
The couple's physician, Dr. Don Hodson, was concerned that the situation was ruining Juanita's health. He arranged for Robert to be admitted to Marion Manor. Robert then was transferred to St. Luke Living Center, where he lived until he died.
Juanita said children were drawn to Robert's room because he always had candy for them. Friends and relatives visited often. He died in May.
Juanita said all the years she cared for Robert, she never complained. She stayed at home with him all the time because she felt guilty if she went anywhere.
"All the attention of friends and family was focused on Robert," she said. "He was the important one."
All of her feelings of frustration and helplessness were bottled up for years. Her health broke down and she suffered a light stroke. She became nervous around big crowds of people.
Dr. Hodson recommended Juanita undergo counseling at Prairie View Mental Health Center in Marion.
She didn't want to but finally decided to try it. Juanita said she parked three blocks away and walked to the center the first few times.
"I was ashamed at first, but I got to the place where I realized that's where my friends are," she said. "If it wouldn't have been for the counseling I got at Prairie View, I wouldn't be where I am today. I highly recommend them."
She said her counselor taught her how to cry to release her pent-up feelings and alleviate her nervous condition. She continues to look forward to her trip to Marion every two weeks to meet with him.
"It is just wonderful," she said.
She said sometimes people ask her if she is angry about what she had to endure.
"No, I'm not angry," she replies. "Sometimes I get a little disappointed and feel I missed out on a lot. But Robert could not help himself."
The 67-year-old woman has three sons. Mark of Talmage and David of Marion both are married. James is single and lives in Salina.
Juanita has five grandsons and one granddaughter. They range in age from 20 to seven.
"They thought the world of their Grandpa," she said.
Juanita continues to reside in her comfortable apartment at Carriage House Manor.
"I'm learning to stand up for myself, and it feels good," she said.
