Eyes light up!
By PAT WICK
© Another Day in the Country
One of the greatest gifts in life is that spark of recognition, that look in the eyes that says, "I see you! I've seen you before! I know you!"
Through the months since my little grandson was born, I've seen him every once in awhile. I'm not a constant face in his world, so I don't expect to see that look of recognition in his little eyes. Each time, when he first sees us, his dark eyes are wide and wondering. "Who are these people?" he seems to be saying, "Are they safe?" "Will I like them?" And then he looks back into his mama's eyes and his eyes light up. "There she is! She's still here!" All is right with his world.
One of these years, when he is older, he'll know who I am. I look forward to that time when he comes running in my direction. He sees ME. He runs in MY direction. His eyes light up in recognition. It's his grandma who loves him! It's the eyes lighting up part that is most interesting to me.
Listening to a psychologist the other day I heard him ask, "When your children enter the room, do your eyes light up when you see them?" He went on to explain how important that interaction is — how children need this, crave this simple phenomena of eyes that light up.
So many times when we look at the people in our lives — whether they are children or adults — our eyes see things that need to be done, corrected, fixed, if we actually focus on them at all. Often we are distracted by the work, the plans made, the food to be eaten, or the television. Do we really SEE the people most important to us? And then, even more crucial, do our eyes light up?
We all know the angry eyes, the brooding eyes, the distracted eyes, the weary eyes, that peer in our direction. What we long to see — all of us, not just children — are the eyes that look at us in recognition, in loving kindness and then light up.
I was watching some silliness on TV the other evening as famous people appeared on the red carpet on their way to attending the Academy Awards for the movie industry. There was every hairstyle, weird dress, amazing shoes, and beautiful face imaginable but some had that zing and others didn't. I was noticing how often the practiced pose, the polished smile came on for the cameras — but their eyes were dead. Whether they were reading cue cards or posing for the camera, the eyes, that engaging in recognition, was what made the difference. A few had that charisma signaled by dancing alight eyes.
As always, I started applying this to my own life. When the people that I care about come into the room and I see them for the first time in a day or an hour — do I recognize them? Are my eyes distracted, busy, and tired, or do they light up with delight at the sight of them? I had to check it out!
I know my eyes light up when Jana comes down the runway at the airport. Our eyes are dancing a jig of recognition and delight. But what about Tooltime Tim or my sister, who I see all the time?
I asked Tim. "Do my eyes light up when you come in the door and whistle?"
"Uh, well, I guess so. I dunno," he said a little puzzled.
"Jess," I asked when she picked me up on the way to the grocery store, "Do my eyes light up when I get into the car?" She thought they did, but then again she always thinks the best of me.
I've been pondering this question and attempting to remember to turn on the switch when I walk into the classroom and see my kiddies at Centre Elementary for art class, when I bop into my class at Butler, when I begin the city meeting (now there's a challenge) in Ramona. We all need to see it. On any day in the country, it's the best medicine I can conjure up for the winter blahs!
