Fostering children a lifetime commitment
By ROWENA PLETT
Staff writer
Ken and Cathy Holub of Tampa have been fostering children for 20 years.
Unable to have children of their own, they have poured their parenting instincts and skills into the more than 70 children who have been placed in their care.
The Holubs are licensed by Kansas Department of Health and Environment and operate under the sponsorship of KVC (Kaw Valley Center), a private non-profit organization which contracts with the state to place foster children.
They are allowed to foster as many as four children at one time from birth to 18 years.
"We do not replace the birth parents," Cathy emphasized. "As foster parents, the plan is to prepare them for re-integration."
Cathy works at keeping open communication with the birth family. Even after the children or teen-agers go back to their homes, the Holubs keep in touch and are available for assistance.
In addition to providing a home for foster children, they also accept children who are under police protective custody. Their involvement in a child's life can last from a few hours to three or four years.
"We have the right to say 'yes' or 'no' when we are contacted about a placement," Cathy said. "We like to specialize in sibling groups because we want them to stay together."
Ken and Cathy provide structure and consistency for those placed under their care, which is important for children who come from dysfunctional homes and haven't experienced a normal family life.
Cathy keeps a permanent set of index cards with lists of family chores geared to various age levels. When children or teen-agers arrive at the home, they immediately are made aware of what is expected of them and realize they are not being singled out for special treatment. Rather, they are made to feel a part of the family.
Older children are compensated for doing extra chores above and beyond those required for daily living, to give them experience and success in being productive and handling money.
Many times, children come to them with behavioral problems.
"We have learned not to focus on the behaviors but on discovering what is behind them, so they learn appropriate expressions of emotions," Cathy said.
The children learn boundaries on such things as touching, being over-friendly to strangers, and learning what is appropriate.
Teen-agers aren't allowed to isolate themselves in their rooms for extended periods of time. They are expected to spend time with the family. Some are surprised by that, after coming from homes where, "Go to your room," was a common command.
Playing with toys, reading books, and doing homework all are done in a family setting, not in individual rooms.
One girl told her mother, "We laugh here all the time."
The Holubs have discovered that oftentimes teens haven't been listened to by their parents. They encourage them to talk, and it usually takes time for them to open up. Once, a teen-age girl woke Cathy in the middle of the night because, she said, she was ready to talk.
In another case, the Holubs cared for a teen-age girl and her baby for about one and a half years. The girl was responsible for her baby at all times, which included providing day-care while she attended school.
They've kept quite a few babies. Cathy said pre-school children are interesting because they usually are behind their age group in basic skills, and learning happens fast.
"You can see big differences in a short time," she said.
Not long ago, Cathy received a call from a 26-year-old woman who was 16 when she lived with the Holubs. She called and asked if they would adopt her. They declined but offered their support. They were involved in her wedding and continue to communicate often.
The couple receives a flat rate of compensation per child, to help pay for living expenses.
"We got into it to help children," Cathy said. "We didn't expect to receive anything."
They had to meet income guidelines and their home had to meet safety requirements.
About three years ago, they moved into a new home from a mobile home. They are enjoying the additional space.
Cathy ran a craft business called Country Charms for about five years, then went to work for the Marion SRS office.
Because the office is closing, she has taken a new position as administrative assistant/resource coordinator for the Salina office of KVC.
Ken operated a dairy until two years ago. He has a diversified farming operation including a cow herd, and also works for Kansas Department of Transportation out of Marion.
He said it took him awhile to adjust to having foster children in their home, but now he enjoys them.
"They're fun," he said. "It is interesting to see how they react to the farm."
"Ken is so good with the children," Cathy said. "He doesn't treat them any differently than he would if they were our own. He gets to do the fun things with them, and they think he walks on water."
Cathy teaches MAPP (Model Approach to Partnership and Parenting) classes to prospective foster and adoptive parents. The mandatory 30-hour course allows people to decide if fostering is something they want to do.
The Holubs are grateful to their community for the support they receive.
"Everyone, including the school district, neighbors, friends, and family are so supportive," Cathy said.
They also receive assistance from doctors, mental health providers, a foster care coordinator in their area, and KVC administrator Rose Vinduska of Marion.
"When you are in a parent-foster child relationship, you sometimes face risks," Cathy said. "KVC provides the support you need."
The Head Start program also is beneficial for foster children. Cathy helps establish individual education plans for them.
The Holubs plan to open their home soon to more foster children, but right now they are working on adjusting to their new family.
Last August, the couple adopted three siblings who had been under their care as foster children for more than three years. The children have their normal share of squabbles but appear happy to be part of a complete family.
Rosalie came to them at the age of five months. The lively four-year-old, with dark eyes and dark, naturally-curly hair is full of smiles and bounces around incessantly.
"Daddy, Daddy, can we go out and feed the cows?" five-year-old Steven begs as he hugs his dad about the legs.
"Maybe later," Ken says as he tousles his young son's hair.
"Mommy, can I show the lady my bedroom?" queries seven-year-old Amber.
"Sure you can," says Cathy.
A typical, normal family.
