Parents recount events of daughter's death
Staff reporter
A parent's worst nightmare is losing a child.
From the day a child is born, most parents believe their number one job is to protect that child.
Imagine the pain a parent must feel upon hearing their child has died in an accident — particularly an accident caused by an adult drunk driver.
Don and Bonnie Kaufman of Moundridge told students at Marion Middle and High Schools Oct. 26 about the life and death of their 18-year-old daughter, Janelle, killed in 1995 by a drunk driver.
"This is where Janelle left us (referring to her completion of high school)," Bonnie told the students. "We couldn't save her but maybe we can save you."
As part of Red Ribbon Week, students from the two schools attended the assembly.
A large, framed picture of Janelle was displayed on the gymnasium floor during the presentation as a reminder of the Kaufmans' loss.
Bonnie began the presentation by telling the students about Janelle, their youngest of three children.
She told how Janelle was excited about turning 18 in May 1995, and a week later graduating from Moundridge High School.
"I remember that Sunday morning of Janelle's graduation," Bonnie recalled. "A thought went through my mind to give her a hug and kiss because she was going to be gone soon."
Little did she know within a few weeks, she would lose her daughter forever.
"I kissed her cheek and told her how much I loved her," she said.
"I try hard to remember that kiss, how her check felt
A few weeks later, the Kaufman family celebrated a special event when eldest daughter Michelle got married. Bonnie said Janelle was excited about the wedding and happy for her sister.
A video and pictures of the wedding help the Kaufman family remember the day — and Janelle.
"On the morning of July 9, when I looked at Janelle, I saw she had a glow about her," Bonnie said.
"If I had only known
That fateful day, Janelle and Bonnie spent time together — laughing and talking about everything.
Bonnie was concerned about a computer problem at her business in McPherson. While in McPherson to meet friends for dinner, Don and Bonnie stopped at her business to resolve the computer problem.
When the telephone rang, Bonnie answered it because her family knew they were at the business.
"It was Janelle. She was calling to ask me if the computer got fixed," Bonnie recalled.
"'I love you, Mom' were the last words I'd ever hear Janelle say," Bonnie said, her voice sounding as if her heart was breaking again.
"If I would have only known
Bonnie said shortly after their telephone conversation, Janelle and her boyfriend Drue Durst drove to Hesston to get pizza.
When Bonnie and Don returned home, they were told their daughter and her boyfriend had not yet returned from Hesston.
As time passed, the family grew more concerned and called the restaurant. They were told the couple had picked up the pizza some time ago.
"We had just hung up the phone with Pizza Hut, when the phone rang," Bonnie said. "Steve (their son) answered it. He wasn't saying anything and was turning pale. I picked up the phone and the person on the other end asked if I was Bonnie Kaufman."
Bonnie was told her daughter was in a car accident and to go to Newton Medical Center right away. Bonnie asked Janelle's condition but the person just said "hurry."
"Steve, Bonnie, and I went to the hospital," Don said. "We drove by the crash site on the way."
They said they didn't notice much at the time but Steve saw the car in a field. He reached up and put his hands on his parents' shoulders.
Bonnie said she knows there were other cars on the highway but does not remember much else on their trip to Newton.
"All the way, I kept praying 'Please, God, please let her be all right. Just let her be alive. I can help her if she is alive'," Bonnie said.
"I never dreamed I couldn't help her," Bonnie said in a low voice.
The family arrived at the medical center and rushed into the emergency room.
"'Where is my daughter?'" Bonnie recalled herself saying. She and other family members kept asking hospital personnel, who turned away from them without answering.
Finally the family was told the tragic news.
"I was told my daughter had died," Bonnie said. "Everything just kind of ended right there."
The Kaufmans were told emergency crews had tried to save Janelle, but couldn't.
"I asked if alcohol was involved and they said it was," Don recalled. "They then asked if they could perform an autopsy on Janelle."
Don asked why and they said it would help a court case if the drunk driver was charged.
"We walked in and saw Janelle lying on a gurney covered with a green sheet," Don said. "I touched her forehead and it was so cold."
Bonnie said she saw "her beautiful girl who looked asleep."
Later the family was told Janelle's heart was literally ripped apart from the impact of the crash.
Janelle's boyfriend had a broken collarbone and made a full recovery.
Janelle and Drue had a joke between them regarding their shoes. At Drue's family's home, guests and family members removed their shoes at the door.
Drue was very meticulous, Bonnie said, so Janelle would purposely move a shoe to see if Drue would notice, which of course he did.
At the hospital, Drue removed his shoes and handed them to Bonnie saying he wanted his shoes next to Janelle's.
"It was important for us to find her shoes," Bonnie said.
Unfortunately, they found only one at the crash site. The second shoe was never recovered.
That night when the Kaufmans returned home without Janelle, they tried to get some rest.
"You close your eyes and it's just pure hell inside your head," Bonnie said.
Both Don and Bonnie got up out of bed and sat in the dark, not saying a word to each other.
"We could not help each other," Bonnie said.
"I could not believe she could leave without saying good-bye," Bonnie said.
Bonnie went up to Janelle's room. She had encouraged the teenager to spend time a few minutes each day in prayer with a daily devotion. Janelle's devotion book was turned to July 9.
"I saw Janelle's picture and she was smiling at me," Bonnie said.
"I begged God to let me die because I could not take the pain," Bonnie said through her tears.
"Obviously, God did not take me that day," she said.
The family then had the difficult task of planning Janelle's funeral. Janelle loved the color hunter green, so the family chose a green casket for her.
"I wanted her to wear her baptism dress," Bonnie said, "it seemed so fitting, but she couldn't because her arm was so mangled, and the sleeve wouldn't cover it up."
Instead, the family bought a long-sleeved, white dress.
Eighteen white roses with a red rose in the middle adorned the casket.
Grieving made way for questions, Bonnie said.
"Did she ask for me? Did she cry? What were her last words?" Bonnie wondered.
Between Drue and the police reports, an accounting of the events that led to the tragic end of a young life were given to the family.
Drue and Janelle had picked up a pizza from the restaurant and were heading back to Moundridge. Drue was driving and both were wearing their seat belts.
At Dutch Avenue and Herzler, three miles west of Hesston, a vehicle with two men ran a stop sign and hit the Kaufman vehicle on Janelle's side.
"I promise you, she never knew what hit her," Drue told the Kaufmans.
The two men had spent the previous night at a lake, drinking alcohol. They had safely driven to one of the men's home to sleep. The accident occurred when the driver was taking the other man home.
Drue said when their car came to a stop after the crash, he yelled at Janelle. He saw her gasping for air.
The drunk driver suffered a broken neck. Drue said the man was so intoxicated, he told authorities to "just take me home. I'll be OK," having no idea what had occurred.
Passers-by stopped to give assistance before medical crews arrived. Drue said he begged a man to save Janelle.
"The ambulance driver said they tried all the way to Newton to save Janelle," Bonnie said. "The crew was hopeful a miracle would happen."
No miracle happened and Janelle was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital.
Students then viewed a presentation of video clips and still photos of Janelle.
It showed a typical family with a teenager residing in the home — a telephone ringing, different conversations going on at the same time, constant movement and interaction.
It showed a high school volleyball and basketball player. Janelle was one of the state's top volleyball players, named all-league and all-state.
She also was named to the first team Class 2A in girls' basketball.
The video showed a teenage girl going to prom and being crowned homecoming queen.
One consistent theme followed the presentation — this young woman would never go to college, have a family, and share more memories with her family.
The final image on the screen was Janelle — wearing a white dress, holding a beautiful bouquet of roses, lying in a casket.
The Kaufmans wanted their message to ring loud and clear. Driving drunk does affect lives.
"What could we have done different? Why couldn't we save her?" asked Bonnie.
Drinking and driving can be controlled, Bonnie said.
The drunk driver in this case was an adult but the Kaufmans said it easily could have been a teenager.
By reducing the number of drunk drivers on the road, regardless of their ages, fewer families will be burying their children or loved ones.
The Kaufmans' are hoping the students will remember their Janelle — their daughter who will be 18 forever.
