Sherfys say communication is key to successful marriage
Staff writer
Bill Sherfy says the reason he and his wife decided to get married on Valentine's Day was so he would remember his anniversary.
As if that were going to be a problem.
Even after 44 years of marriage, Bill and Leilani Sherfy are more like newlyweds than a couple approaching the golden anniversary milestone.
"We've had an unusual marriage," Bill said smiling at his wife. "It's been great. In fact, we're still dating."
On Valentine's Day, Saturday, the Marion couple will observe their 45th wedding anniversary. Each year on this day of hearts and flowers, the Sherfys renew their vows to each other and recommit their trust in the Lord.
"We've always put the Lord in the center of the whole relationship — the marriage, the children," Leilani said.
"When we said our vows we said, 'For me and my house we will serve the Lord,'" Bill noted.
Although the decision to serve the Lord seems obvious since Bill is the pastor at Marion's Emmanuel Baptist Church, that decision may not have been so obvious 40-some years ago when the couple married and Bill was serving as a cryptographer working with messages in code for the U.S. Air Force.
In fact, the couple met in 1957 while Bill was stationed in Germany at Hahn Air Force Base along with Leilani's mother and stepfather.
"We met in chapel choir practice," Leilani recalled with a smile.
A native of Wichita, Leilani Hulse was living with her grandparents and had just graduated from Wichita's East High when she left Kansas the next day for Germany.
"The trip to Germany was a high school graduation present because I was missing my mother. She'd been over there two years," she said.
A day or two after arriving there she met Bill and several other young men who often scrounged meals with Leilani's family.
"He and his cronies would gather at my folks' house quite frequently," she remembered.
"We were called the chapel delinquents," he said laughing. "We never ate Sunday dinner or a holiday dinner in the mess hall the whole three years I was there. We had an older guy who'd always manage to get us a dinner."
"My parents always said 'give 'em lots of potatoes and ice tea. Fill them up,'" she said.
As one of only two single girls, Leilani's company was highly sought after by the young men on the base.
"There were several young men in chapel and they all shared one auto they called Jezabel. I'd go out on dates with them and we'd always take the same auto," Leilani said.
Dates consisted of going to the movies, watching football and basketball games, watching the guys bowl, and taking walks.
"One time, he (Bill) took me to the opera at Weisbaden." Leilani said. "It was beautiful
"I thought it was like the Grand Ole Opry," Bill added in a kidding tone.
It wasn't long into their relationship before one "chapel guy" became more important than the rest.
"It was going to be a purely platonic relationship," Leilani said.
"We were just going to be friends," Bill agreed, finishing her sentence. "She had a steady boyfriend and I had a girlfriend in the states."
"But when you're in love you just are. I didn't want to date anybody else and we just came to a gradual understanding," Leilani continued.
"We had so much in common. Our likes and dislikes," Bill said, taking up the conversation. "It was very easy to fall in love."
After six months, Bill presented Leilani with his class ring under her Christmas tree. They were engaged on July 4, 1958, and then married on Valentine's Day, Feb. 14, 1959.
After marriage, Bill ended up spending 21 years in the military including six years in Germany, two in Guam, four in Panama, and one in remote Alaska.
"Leilani and I had been married one year and we had a six-week old son when I left for Alaska," Bill said. "When I came back he was 14 months old."
The couple have three grown children and five grandchildren. Son Mark lives in Atlanta, Ga., and has two daughters, their daughter Kimberly is in Waukagan, Ill., and has three children, while their youngest Timothy, is in Cheektowaga, N.Y.
"Tim has a Sheltie so we have one granddog," Leilani said.
Over the years, Bill said he often heard the call from the Lord asking him to serve, but it wasn't a call he was ready to take.
"I finally surrendered to preach during a revival meeting in Clovis, N.M.," Bill said. "For years, I'd said, 'Lord, I'll teach, I'll sing, I'll do anything but preach.' But now I'm glad I took the call. When the Holy Spirit talked to my heart I knew that was what I needed to do."
Bill obtained his first church in 1978 and has pastored in Virginia, North Carolina, and New York. He's been in Marion 11 1/2 years.
"This is the longest we've been anywhere," Bill said.
While the Lord is center in all decisions, the Sherfys also made the commitment at the beginning of their marriage that they would always keep the lines of communication open.
"I decided I would follow the example of another man I knew because he and his wife had such a beautiful relationship," Bill said. "The key is communication. You have to talk and share with one another in everything.
Leilani said she doesn't believe marriage is a 50/50 proposition.
"You both have to give 100 percent and it's important not to keep score," Leilani said. "You can't say 'I gave in this time so you need to give in next time.'
"And we never get to the point where we hang on to small hurts. We never go to bed mad. We may stay up very late but we work it out," she added.
Other than renewing their vows to each other, the Sherfys said they really have no 45th anniversary plans.
"We'll probably do something, but our lives revolve around our dogs," Bill said with a smile.
Leilani is involved with rehabilitating dogs who have been abused. Currently, they have three strays, a terrier mix, a Sheltie, and a shepherd mix.
When asked if they had advice for other couples, Bill said it was important to "always be on a date."
"My wife is my best friend and I like to spend time with my best friend. Couples don't talk to each other the way they should. They don't share.
"Communication is the key."
