Warning!
By PAT WICK
© Another Day in the Country
What's with all the warning messages on everything from clothes to cleaner bags? Do people really not know what is hazardous ?
"Warning: Use only as directed. Do not inhale the contents." This was on the label of my all-natural Original Canola Cooking Spray. Inhale? Now who would want to inhale this — and then I was reminded of all the crazy things people breath into their bodies from tobacco to gasoline fumes.
"Warning: removable parts, could cause choking, not suitable for small children." This label was on a little plastic Easter duck that actually quaked when you touched it.
This is not just about kids. It's on clothes. "Warning: Dry Clean Only. These pants are not washable." Not washable? I have cotton pants in the country that can't be washed? Do they know I have to drive 40 miles to find a good dry cleaner? How impractical.
Early this morning, still snug in my bed and looking out the window at the spring green in my back yard that is begging to be mowed, some lettering came into focus on my new replacement window screens. "Warning: This screen will not keep anyone from falling out the window. Keep children away from this window." Good grief, what next?
These warning signs are everywhere! I don't believe they are REALLY so much for our safety as for the safe-keeping of the company assets. Nevertheless they proliferate and are largely ignored.
"Warning: This side of the ladder is not for stepping on!" I had to chuckle. Already I'd stepped on that rung umpteen times during our work projects and I KNEW it wasn't meant as a ladder rung, but in a pinch, I did it anyhow. After reading the warning sign, I felt just a little guilty that the manufacturing company had caught me in a sin.
It's the same with our mattresses. "Warning: Do not remove this label under penalty of law." What? It's my mattress and I paid for it and you're telling me I can't remove this label? Off came the label — a little latent authority resistance!
The same with pillows. Those labels get in the way when I'm putting on pillow cases. Nothing more disgusting than snuggling your nose into the edge of a pillow and run into a warning label!
My sister watched me as I tore the label off. "Should you be removing those?" she wanted to know. This from the woman who leaves the labels lawfully alone because she grew up certain there were mattress police.
I asked my buddy, Tim, "Were there warning labels on tobacco when you first started using it?" He shook his head horizontally. "Do you ever read the hazardous-to-your-health labels? Does it make a difference?" "Nope!"
Well, so much for warnings. We get overdosed! I like the vitamin company that instead of a warning, put "Discussion" on the back of their can to suggest uses of the contents. Better yet, there's the spice company that doesn't tell you to not inhale or keep the cayenne out of your children's eyes; but instead says: "Spice Advice: call us!" and then goes on to list an 800-number just in case you don't have a grandma to call.
It's another day in the country and I want you to know that I checked the labels on the slacks I put on this morning — just for fun. "Made in Germany," the tag read under the brand name. The only other label had little pictures in code about the fabric content. That was it! No other labels up and down my inseam. No warning. No threats. Not even a suggestion! Thankfully, the Germans (whose heritage I share) evidently thought I knew how to figure this out on my own.
